Wow, it’s been a while.  Writing always gets pushed to the back burner with the busyness of life but I was reading recently and convicted of needing to write.  It’s another outlet for me and something I enjoy.  I feel like I can sometimes get my words out a little better.  Speaking doesn’t come as easy for me, although I’ve practiced and confronted that fear head on throughout the years…but still not my fave and I am not a super eloquent speaker.  I’m raw and real, have to practice a ton!  It doesn’t just flow and I don’t feel like I articulate things as well as others…but hey, it’s ok.  I’m a work in progress and I want to build on my strengths, work on my weaknesses and everything in between.  ;-)

So the book I was reading is called Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson.  Dang it’s good!  It is biblically or spiritually based, but even for an unbeliever there are many things you can learn from it and apply if you so choose.  Highly recommend it.  That’s a habit I’ve picked up over the last 5+ years since I’ve been coaching.  I get so many golden nuggets from it and I learn more about myself, I realize I’m not alone in how I think and how I take on life.  Love it!

…I’ve always felt like I had more  to say but just haven’t taken the time to do it & with the way I live my life, everything I do…I always say I want to leave it all on the table, I don’t want to live life with regrets and what if.  So here I am rambling on about a few things.

I’ve honestly got so much on my heart and so much going on, but sometimes when you’re in the middle of the stuff, the storm…it’s better to wait til you’re through some of it.  Well, this involves other people so it’s touchy & I have to be careful of how I say things.  More for my kiddos than anything, although they know the real deal…

2019 has less than 2 months left.  It’s been a year of some big storms and life events or defining moments as we call them in my life for sure.  So here I am ending this year with BIG changes and fresh starts.  But with all I’ve been through, I’m prepared in many ways.  It’s definitely been hard, there were definite ups and downs, tough moments, but overall it’s been good.  With the sickness and death of my son, and then my mom’s sickness and death in the last few years…I’ve learned to take things one day at a time & not get ahead of myself.  When grief comes on, or things upset you, you feel the feels then pick up and move on.  I don’t think anything can top the pain and the hurt that I still feel to this day for the loss of my son.  It’s part of what’s made me who I am today and for that I’m grateful.

We just had the 1 year anniversary since my mom passed away a few weeks ago.  She had a 19 month battle with brain cancer.  It’s been emotional off and on over the last week or so coming up to this day, but then again it always is.  Coming up to a holiday or birthday, heavenly day…grief comes and goes more in those times.  That’s just how it is.  You learn to ride the waves, feel the feels, then keep moving or else you can let it eat you up.  Many do end up letting it consume them.  I probably did for a while with my son but then I decided to turn it around and use it as fuel to live my best life and to not take one day for granted.

I started letting go of everything that didn’t serve me, everything that didn’t align with my core values and how I wanted to live my life.  It’s been a long, hard road & it’s been baby steps at a times, sometimes 2 steps forward 2 steps backward…but oh so worth it.  To be happy and content, to be proud of who you are, to know that you’re enough no matter what, to walk in purpose, to spread that love and light to others and  help them live more fulfilling lives…. that’s what it’s all about and that’s what makes my heart happy.

That’s the legacy I want to leave behind.  <3

Much love and hugs to you!  xo, Alicia